The final fifteen lessons made the biggest impact.

CRE Success Principle: Progress demands courage; avoid the illusion of safety in indecision. Doing nothing is a decision...and it's often the riskiest one.

What started as a list of 45 reflections to mark my 45^th birthday turned into something even more meaningful.

After sharing 30 lessons across the previous two episodes, I realised some of the most valuable insights hadn’t made the original list.

So, in this final instalment, I’m sharing what I think is the best of the bunch.

Episode 221 of Commercial Real Estate Leadership covers themes like magnanimity, resilience, the danger of comparison, and the value of giving without expectation.

I also talk about integrity, mentorship, and the power of self-awareness.

There are lessons here about leadership, life, and personal growth…and they’re just as relevant at work as they are in day-to-day life.

These aren’t just random theories, they’re reminders of how I intend to lead the industry, serve clients and live my life.

If you haven’t yet caught the other 30 lessons, check out episodes 219 and 220.

And as always, I’d love to hear which of these lessons resonates most with you – shoot me a DM on Instagram to let me know.

Episode transcript:

 Do you know what happens when you write down 45 lessons from your life?

And then you share the first 15 in one episode, and then you share another 15 in the next episode, and then you wait a bit of time before recording the last episode?

What happens is, is that you realise that there are even more important lessons that you've left off the original list, and that means that the final 15 lessons that I've got to share is the crème de la creme.

It's including some of the best lessons that I, well, forgot about, but cannot be excluded from the list.

So, the following is some of my best lessons from the last 45 years.

This is Commercial Real Estate Leadership. Hello, I am Darren Krakowiak. It's episode 221. Thank you so much for joining us for this episode. I really appreciate your company as always.

This is all about the lessons that I've learned over my 45 years of life. I turned 45 last month.

I really took some time to document these and also to share them with you as a reminder for myself, but also to maybe share some knowledge, or some - dare I say wisdom - that might help you.

But it's really, I guess to hold me to the standard to which I want to set for how I lead the industry, for how I advise my clients and how I live my life.

So let's get right into it.

Number 31: The biggest risk is not taking any risk

And by that, I mean not making a decision is a decision to do nothing. And sometimes when we do nothing, we might think that we are mitigating risk or taking a relatively unrisky option, but sometimes that could be the riskiest thing that you could do.

So just remember whenever you decide to do nothing, that is a decision in and of itself, and that may be the riskiest decision of all.

Number 32: Is one of my favourites. It's to be magnanimous

The definition of magnanimous is to be generous or forgiving, especially towards a rival or a less powerful person.

And there are just so many occasions when I'm reminding my clients of the importance of being magnanimous; when there is, you know, an angel on one of their shoulders and a devil on the other, and they're kind of started to take some advice from the devil.

I've got to step in and remind them of the importance of listening to their better angels and reminding them that they are in a superior position, and that it is an opportunity for them to take the high road rather than to go low.

Number 33: Comparison is the thief of joy

When you compare yourself to others, it only makes you, well, vain - it makes you feel good when you think you're better than everyone else, or jealous if you don't feel so great when you see how well everyone else is doing.

And I think the trick here is not to compare yourself with others. But if you're going to engage in comparison, just compare yourself to your previous or past self, because that is the most fair comparison that there is.

You are the only one who's walked in your shoes. You are the only one who knows all of the context that's led you to where you are.

And if you are consistently, continually improving, well then you are making progress in your life.

Number 34: A smile is the key that opens many doors

I really learned about the importance of smiling by reading a book called How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes.

And she talks about the concept of having a flooding smile. And she's got like, I think about a hundred different stories in this book that just illustrate how having a smile can give you an unfair disadvantage in life.

So, if you are someone who perhaps doesn't smile enough, and I am and I have been, although I think I've gotten better at not just walking around with a scowl on my face, just remember that having a smile is, well, something that you have in your arsenal. It's in your bag of tricks, and it can certainly help you in many ways.

Number 35: Failing is just learning in disguise

I'm not saying that you should try to fail, but equally don't fear failure because failure is where the learning is.

You might have heard the expression that success leaves clues, and that's somewhat true. But another thing about success is that it papers over the cracks, right?

So, if you watch your team play football and they win by one point, you know, if they lose by one point, well we're going to really investigate more of the issues that led to that result than if we win by one point. And we perhaps don't have as much introspection about what we can learn from that result.

Failure tells you like it is. That's where the lessons are and it's really just learning in disguise.

So, don't fear failure. See it as an opportunity to improve.

And remember as well that success papers over the cracks. So, when you are successful, there is still also learning opportunities to be had.

Number 36: Don't speak to yourself in a way that you wouldn't speak to a friend

So, I am probably my own biggest critic, I would guess, and you are probably your own biggest critic as well.

But you can be a critic, but also be in your corner or your own corner.

And the point here is that harsh self-talk doesn't really help you.

When you think about some of the things that you tell yourself, you know, calling yourself certain names when you're getting things wrong, you wouldn't say that to a friend. You wouldn't say that to someone you care about.

So, why is it that you are using that sort of language to speak to yourself?

It's negative self-talk. It's often repetitive. And the trick is to just recognise when you're doing it and to stop it, to give yourself some grace and to say, “Yeah, okay, I screwed up, but let's all just move on with our lives.”

As opposed to being on this repetitive loop of just hammering and hammering and hammering yourself, which does nothing to improve your self-confidence.

And really, you know, after a, perhaps a little moment of having a go at yourself, continuing with that doesn't really serve any purpose.

So, really don't speak to yourself in a way that you wouldn't speak to a friend.

Number 37: What gets measured gets managed

Ts proven to me through, like, if you want to lose weight, how do you lose weight?

Some people will say, “Well, you've got to have diet and exercise,” which I guess is true, but what is going to encourage you to do the right things with your diet and exercise?

It's going to be getting on the scales every day. Weighing yourself every morning. Because what gets measured gets managed.

I recently tried to reduce my screen time when I got back from holidays at the start of the year.

I had a week where it was like five hours a day, which is too much, and it took me about eight weeks to get it down to, well first I got it down over about a three-week period to three hours.

It was bouncing around two and a half hours for a few weeks. And I finally got it below two hours, and I've achieved two hours on a couple of occasions since then.

And the reason why it improves is because I'm monitoring it.

What gets measured gets managed. If you can measure it, you can manage it. And if you want to improve at it, just keep monitoring it and holding yourself to improving what it is that you are measuring.

Number 38: Resilience is built during your toughest times

I don't know what else I can add to this, because it's a statement of fact, and I'm sure that you know that when you are going through tough times, that is when you are building resilience - the resilience that is required for you to bounce back and to be, I guess, more resilient to when you face greater difficulties that will inevitably come in the future.

So just remember when it feels like the walls are closing in, and it feels like you're at your darkest moments, that what is also happening at that time is that you are building resilience, which can only serve you well into the future.

Number 39: Give without expectation, giving is a gift

I shared in an episode a while ago now about how I gave a donation to a charity that I hadn't given to before, and they wrote me a handwritten letter and how much I appreciated that.

But, you know, I donated again and haven't actually given me a handwritten letter, but it's okay because I was giving without expectation.

I didn't give and think, well, they better write me a letter and that's what I want it for.

You know, giving to the less fortunate is not a duty or a requirement. It's a privilege. It's something that you can be in a privileged position to do, and that's something that you can take some intrinsic satisfaction from.

So, just remember giving is a gift in and of itself, and when you give without expectation, then anything you do receive in return is, well, just a bonus.

Number 40: Enjoy the journey, it's not just about the destination

If all we care about is getting to the final result, then we're not going to enjoy the ride, and there's going to be some bumps along the way.

And here's the truth about when you get to the destination, it's not always that satisfying.

Like when you get that promotion, when you get to a certain income level, when you close a deal above a certain threshold that perhaps you've been working towards, you know what happens? You realise that there's just another level that you can get to because there is always another level.

So, it's important that we appreciate the journey along the way rather than fixate on the destination.

Number 41: It's not always about you

This can be misinterpreted, I guess, because you do always want to be accountable, look for where your responsibility lies.

But you know what? Sometimes clients make decisions that don't align with what you would like to see them do. Sometimes things happen that impact you, but it's not always about you. Sometimes there are other things going on.

The whole world doesn't revolve around you. Your world revolves around you, but everyone else's world revolves around them.

So, when they make a decision that perhaps you don't really like, it's important sometimes to remember that it's not always about you.

So again, have a look and see if maybe there's something in here that I can learn from, but the case is that sometimes there isn't. Because it's not always about you.

Number 42: It's not who you know, it's who knows you

Now, it used to be it's not what you know, it's who you know. But nowadays, what you know can determine who knows you because of things like podcasts and content, and the fact that we live in a more connected world.

So, it's not who you know, it's who knows you. And I guess the point of this is to encourage you to have some presence in the marketplace, to build up a profile and to not be backwards about sharing what it is that you have to offer, and how it is that you can help.

Number 43: Get a mentor, because you don't know what you don't know

I think there comes a time when you mature enough to the point when you realise that you don't know at all.

Probably, for many years I thought I didn't know at all, and that I didn't need any help, and that I was very confident in the fact that I had all the right answers and that I almost thought that admitting or looking for help from others was a sign of weakness.

But at the end of the day, you don't know what you don't know.

And therefore, if someone can, I guess, provide you with that information, whether that's a mentor or an advisor or a coach or somebody else, and shorten the timeframe for you to get from A to B, well that's a huge advantage.

And you won't know that you don't know it until you open yourself up to learning things that you don't know, if that makes sense.

Number 44: When you don't do what you say you would do, you are out of integrity

So, the word integrity, I know, a lot of people use that word when they talk about the values that they want to have in their business.

But integrity, one, I guess, meaning of that word is that you need to keep your word and only make promises that you can keep.

Because if you say one thing and then you do something else, you are out of integrity for what it is that you said. So, make sure that you are making promises that you can keep.

Number 45: Don't just focus on your strengths, confront your weaknesses

I know that there is a school of thought that says that we've got to really focus on our strengths and just leverage those to get us to where we want to go, and not really to make focus too much on our weaknesses.

But, you know, I've probably learned the hard way in some areas where I have some weaknesses is that we've got to confront them.

We've got to do what we can to mitigate them. We can't just ignore them and think that they're going to go away by themselves.

So don't just focus on your strengths, also confront your witnesses.

Now, I want to give you a bonus tip because it's one that's relevant for this exact episode, and it is: don't leave things to the last minute.

Now, I didn't have a massive pimple on the side of my chin two days ago, but the podcast production deadline meant that I had to record this today.
If I had recorded it when I had some time a couple of days ago and I thought, “Oh, I'll just do it in a couple of days.”

Well, I wouldn't have had to do this episode and if you're watching on YouTube, there's not something wrong with your screen, there is a massive people on my chin. I wouldn't have to do it with the pimple.

And then yesterday I was feeling a little bit under the weather, so I thought I'll do it tomorrow. And then today, here I am.

So, I guess that's a reminder for me, because I used to love, in university and even in high school, I'd love to submit a project early.

I would like to do that actually when I was working at the big firms, I would like to submit my proposal before the due date just to get it out of the way and not send it at the last possible minute when you know something bad or I could have some issue pop up, that would meant that I couldn't actually give it in on time or in the best order that it could be.

So don't leave things to the last minute is a bit bonus tip for you.

But, that's my list of 45 plus one bonus tip for you.

I'd love to know which lesson resonates most for you. Also let me know is there something that I haven't covered in the list that you would like to add to the list. And I'll consider that maybe I'll do a ‘50 reflections’ on when I turn 50 in a few years.

You can DM me on Instagram at @cresuccess or send me a message on LinkedIn to let me know. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

For now, though, thank you so much for listening and I will speak to you soon.